The Curious Case of the Livestock in the Tower
by Sheyrena Wyrsabane
Summary: Thor proposes to Jane but does so in traditional Asgardian fashion so she has no idea what's going on and refuses him. Loki has to show up to explain what's happening. Pure crack. Jane/Thor with hints of Loki/Natasha. T for suggestive language.


Norse knowledge courtesy of: .

"He's gone crazy," Tony explains as he hurries Jane to the Tower elevator.

"Crazy?" Jane repeats. "Given that smashing coffee cups, trying to fight battles over my honor at nightclubs, and engaging in naked Thursdays are normal, I'm not sure I want to see what crazy looks like."

Tony looks over at her, curious, as he jabs the button for the fourth floor. "Naked Thursdays?"

A pretty blush spreads over Jane's cheeks. "Well, that one isn't so bad. The others have taken some getting used to."

Tony nods and hopes that she'll be able to help with Thor's current cultural issue before Tony demonstrates exactly why he's been accused of not playing well with others. Though, to be fair, Tony's positive that anyone else would freak out if they came home one day to see that an entire floor of their self-sustaining Tower was being used as a barn.

Last time Tony counted, there were five chickens, one rooster, nine heifers, and a bull on the 14th floor of his Tower, and he wants them out before the cows decide to go into heat. He's tried every possible method to get Thor to get rid of them from asking to threatening to even physically removing them—that led to an interesting cover photo of People Magazine—but none have been successful. Thor has explained every time that they're a surprise for Jane, and if Tony can't make Thor get rid of the animals then maybe ruining the surprise will do the trick.

They get off the elevator, and Jane wrinkles her nose at the smell. She gets as far as the doorway to what used to be a study and freezes because the room is filled with farm animals. Her jaw drops, because this is definitely in the crazy category, but it's also in the hysterically funny category, because Steve and Bruce are trying to corral the animals with little success, and there is a chicken making itself comfortable in Clint's lap.

She covers her mouth, but it doesn't stop the giggle from escaping, because Thor's head snaps up at the sound. Thor had been counting the sheep, because he swore he'd gotten five, but he can only see four, when he heard the delicate laughter that could only belong to one person.

"My beloved!" he says, leaping to his feet, startling the chickens. They start squawking which prompts the sheep to start bleating and the cows, not wanting to be left out, being to moo.

Tony covers his ears and wonders if Fury had put Thor up to this as some sort of revenge for Tony playing 'One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying Purple People Eater' during their last debriefing.

Jane is smiling uncertainly now, because Thor looks panicked, but he's a god, what is there for him to possibly panic about.

"You're not supposed to be here yet!" Thor doesn't know whether to rush her out or try to hide the animals or kill Tony or just improv. He's not very good at unscripted speeches unless they're battle speeches, but it's too late for her to unsee what's inside the room, and he thinks killing Tony might ruin the mood which means there's nothing for him to do but propose.

He sweeps his arms out, motioning to the animals he has gathered. "My fair Jane, these creatures cannot possibly equal your worth, but I have brought them to you nonetheless. Will you accept them?"

Jane looks around her and starts to laugh. She laughs until tears are rolling down her face and she's doubled over and sinking to the floor. Thor frowns, because this is not how he expected her to receive his proposal. His frown deepens when the Avengers begin to laugh at him as well.

Tony's the only one who isn't laughing. "Why did you have to bring the livestock here? If you were going to give her a present, why not bring it to her house?"

Thor ignores him as he crosses the room to seize Jane's shoulders and pull her to her feet. She's still laughing as he holds her up so she's looking at him.

"Why are you so cruel to me?" Thor asks. "If you mean to reject me, a simple no will suffice. I do not need your mocking as well."

"I'm sorry." Jane wipes at her eyes and tries to get herself under more control, and a glimmer of hope appears in Thor's eyes. "You just caught me off guard is all. Why would you bring me these animals? Where do you expect me to put them?"

Thor's grip fails, and he takes a step back, unable to believe what he's hearing. He had thought Jane loved him. Had she not said so many times during their time together? Or was that simply a phrase humans used to express their contentment with sexual intercourse? On Asgard saying I love you was a signal that you were ready for a lifetime commitment.

"You say no?" he asks, his voice barely a whisper.

Jane shakes her head, trying not to laugh. "Of course I say no, silly."

Thor crashes to his knees, rattling the floor and frightening the animals. The chicken in Clint's lap starts pecking at his neck, and Clint knocks it away, glaring at the disgruntled bird.

"Hey," Steve says, frowning as he carefully approaches Thor. "Are you all right, big guy?"

He steps within Thor's reach, and Thor swats at him, sending Steve crashing against the wall. Thor leaps to his feet and reaches a hand out. Mjolinir rips through the ceiling to land in his hand, and Tony wonders how much reconstruction he's going to have to do before this afternoon is over.

"I am far from well," Thor says. "I was seized by the _inn mátki munr_, and it has clouded my vision."

"Seized by the what?" Natasha asks, calling Thor's attention to her so Tony can sneak off to grab a suit. If Thor's gone off the deep end then they're going to need all hands on deck to fight him.

"The mighty passion," Loki says, appearing in the middle of the room. "It's a fancy way of saying he's in love."

Clint's eyes narrow at the sight of the god, and he grabs the nearest object to him and throws it as Loki's head. Loki catches the rooster and turns to frown at Clint.

"You've frightened the poor bird," Loki says, stroking the creature. "Have you no shame?"

Clint's mouth hangs open. Is he being lectured by Loki, Loki of all people, for throwing a chicken?

"Was in love," Thor says before Clint can conjure a comeback. "The wench has turned my heart to stone."

Jane gasps and balls her hands into fists on her hips. "Did you just call me a wench?" She pauses. "Did you just say you don't love me anymore?"

"Let's settle down before anyone says anything more they're going to regret," Loki says as Thor and Jane glare at each other. "Thor, why did you not tell me you were offering_ mundr_? You know I must be present to act as a witness."

"It matters not," Thor says, his voice heavy and tired. He drops Mjolnir to the ground. "She has rejected my offer."

Loki's eyebrows raise as he turns to look at Jane. Last time he'd checked, Thor had put the entire Earth under his protection, because of his love for Jane. Maybe that kind of commitment freaked her out. Right now, Jane has a slight frown working its way into the crease in her forehead, and Loki face-palms.

"Did you explain to her what you were doing?" Loki asks.

"Of course. I am not the fool you believe me to be."

Loki wisely doesn't respond to that. Instead, he asks Jane a question. "What did Thor say when he presented you with the animals?"

Jane taps her bottom lip, trying to remember. "Something about them not being worth as much as me, but he wanted me to have them anyways."

Loki feels his lips starting to twitch, desperately wanting to laugh, but Thor looks so crushed that he knows he has to be a good brother and help out now, laugh later.

"You're definitely the fool I believe you to be," Loki says. "Miss Foster, my brother proposed to you."

Jane's eyes go wide. "He what?" She looks around at the animals milling around then to Thor who looks like he's going to cry or level Manhattan at any moment. "You what?"

Thor tries to glare at her, but she is still his beautiful mortal, and he wants to love and cherish her forever. "I offered you the _mundr_, and you rejected it. Rejected me."

"No." Jane shakes her head and throws her arms around his neck. "I don't reject you. I didn't know. It was. Thor, I love you." She tilts her head up to kiss him. "Please. I'm sorry. I didn't realize. Of course, I'll marry you."

Thor's face splits into a large grin. "You will be my life companion?"

"Of course!"

Most of the Avengers rush the couple to give their congratulations—Bruce and Steve—or ask if the animals can be removed—Tony—or awkwardly lurk near the happy couple—Clint. Loki slides over to the far side of the room where Natasha is still sitting.

"Nice cock," she says, the corner of her lips upturning in a smile.

Loki pets the rooster in his arms. "I'm quite partial to it as well." He looks over to where there's now a large group hug taking place while Jane tries to explain to Darcy over the phone what's going on. "I will never put you through this."

Natasha glares at him for the mere suggestion. "You better not. I'm not one to be tied down."

A wicked smirk curves Loki's lips. "You are, however, quite partial to being tied up." His tone is deep, husky, a promise that he'll come and visit her later tonight, and her body tingles in anticipation.


End file.
